Love Story

I just stared blankly at this page for about fifteen minutes trying to figure out how to write and start this blog because somehow I still can't believe the Friendster message I received. Why? I just found out the one thing that I wanted to know and I was expecting it already but I'm still in a little shock. What could that be?

The only woman that I really fell in love with and probably the woman for me that I think has everything that a man could ask for is already married.

How did this happen? Long time ago, about a decade ago, I met a woman in a bus. It didn't just happen. I rode the bus everyday to work, and everyday I get to see her. First time I saw her, I just said to myself, another good-looking career woman working in an office. But somehow, since I was seeing her almost everyday in my monotonous life before on the bus, I realized she was really beautiful. She looks like a cross between Elisabeth Shue and Natalie Imbruglia. It seemed that each day I saw her she becomes more and more beautiful. Since I’m fond of looking and watching people and find something about their personality just by looking at them and how they act, I knew just by looking (or was it ogling?) at her that she is hard-working, consistent, very much driven in life and knows what she wants. She goes to work and gets on the bus everyday almost consistently at the same time every morning. We get off at the same place and each day, I followed her until I'm sure that she safely rode on the jeepney to her work. The same thing goes in the evening after work. We rode the same bus to go home after a day of hard work. And as soon as she gets off the bus, I just look at her until she's gone from my sight. I wasn't stalking her. If I was, I should have followed her to her workplace or her house. But I did not and therefore didn't exactly know where she exactly she works or where exactly she lives.

One day, I mustered all the courage (one thing I really don't have until now) to know her. I know by the book that she brings with her that she works in a computer firm. So, I just asked her about the Y2K virus (still remember that?). It really didn't go well but I was more than happy that I finally knew her name and introduced myself to her also in the process. But alas, I was really intimidated by her because she was smart, intelligent, beautiful, mature, and already a woman in every sense of the word. I was still a boy then (even now). I really didn't get a chance to know her better but still I knew what I was feeling for her was different. I gave her a paper with the lyrics of the song "On My Own" from the musical "Les Miserables". I was to leave it at that because I know I can only love her "on my own" and didn't expect anything. Things became worse and she shied away from me and she skipped the bus going to work. I decided to leave it at that but "love" keeps beckoning so I decided to write a love letter that I intended to give her once we meet again.

Unfortunately, we or rather, I, didn't get that one last chance to meet her and give that letter. That letter is still with me and the contents I wrote in this Friendster blog of mine. Wanna read it? Sure, read on: http://yllor.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2005/04/love_letter.html

I wasted the next ten years of my life trying to tell myself that "she's the one for me" and just went with the flow of life and not really doing anything worthwhile and something that should have made me a better person or a better man.

Fast forward to present, I found a woman here in Friendster that works in the same company that the "woman I fell in love with" also worked and I sent her a message to ask if she knows "her" and she did know her. It was really unexpected because I have been looking for her in this online world - Friendster, MySpace, sms.ac, you name it, I definitely have an account for all the network-oriented websites but "the woman I fell in love with" seems to be offline.

Last Sunday, when I went to church, I heard Fr. Joey Faller's sermon and he was only saying one thing. "Let go of the past and live in the present for you to have a bright future" is the summary of the sermon. That was the day that I have decided to forget her and just live my life the way that I should live it. True enough, today I received a message that the "woman that I fell in love with" is "happily married with her boyfriend whom she loves so much" and that they have two cute kids.

I just didn't know why it took me 10 years to know that. I coined a new word that best describes it - "romantic hopelessness" or was it just plain stupidity?

After reading Ms. Noemi Dado's blog last night, I think I was just simply "love struck."

And that ladies and gentlemen, is my love story (or the lack of it).

Comments

[Jason]

sigh... makakakita ka din ng sa iyo bro...

[Rolly]

Just an FYI: I updated this blog today because I have entered this blog in Mrs. Noemi Dado's "Love Struck" writing contest to "customize" with the subject.

I just added the second to the last paragraph that says "After reading Ms. Noemi Dado's blog tonight, I think I was just simply love struck."

[Edelweiza]

Hi Rolly! Just read your entry. Awww, i can sense your honesty and lovestruck-ness just by reading your story. You're right,we all have to move on.I believe that if it's not meant to be, it won't happen. Unless God intervenes. But if He doesn't, it means He has better plans for us.

[Lady Michelle]

hmmm, sayang, if you only approach her much earlier.. and mas maganda un nasabi mo before it's too late. then accept whatever she may have said.. pero since married na sya, then move on. and don't waste another more years before making a move. :-)

[Rolly]

@ Edelweiza - I couldn't agree more. =)

@ Lady Michelle - I know, I know. It's just that I found the meaning of the word "courage" a bit too late. Hehe...You just charge it to experience and move on. =)

[Gina]

I couldn't believe it! That must be real love! A decade of waiting for uncertainty?
To think you didn't even know where she actually lived and where she exactly worked? But how I wish you strived a little more,.. a little more Rolly.