Ramblings Intérieurs

Number 46 to 61

No, I am not writing about the thing I learned about the terrible Holy Week I had. I had started writing about it but I just couldn’t finish it but I'll be writing about that next time. Right now I'll be writing about a simple but a very inspiring text message I received from my friend Joy. I just couldn't resist writing it down because each and every word is a reason for me to be happy. Here it is:

Love.

Rain.

Friends.

Smiles.

Love.

Dreams.

Sunshine.

Wind.

Joy.

The blue sky.

Tears.

Words.

Summer.

Hope.

Life.

You (yes, you the one reading this!).

Just counting my blessings.

As you can see not all I wrote is really positive. Some are really neutral like blue sky, wind, and of course life itself. It's just the way you perceive it. I really love this message that the list I wrote down should be included in my 2008 list. That would total my total hit list to 61 which is still a long way to go. Actually if I have a PC of my own, I would have listed more than that already but it's okay. Right now it's improbable to reach 2008 but it's not impossible.

A Terrible Week

I got the title of my blog from The Feast Worship leader Carl Fontanilla yesterday, Easter Sunday, to describe the Holy Week and somehow I also felt the same way last week. Let me give you, dear readers, a rundown on what happened on my Holy Week.

Day 1: Holy Monday was just like the past six Fridays of Lent that I did my fast. It went okay and I was able to do the juice fast.

Day 2: Holy Tuesday was when the pangs of hunger stroke but since I made a commitment to do the juice fast for the Holy Week, I just prayed a little and grabbed the Bible when I felt hungry and I was okay again. It wasn't that easy however. My veggie juice was running out and I asked my mom to buy me an orange juice but she bought a grapefruit juice. I thought it was okay but when I tasted it, it tasted bad. I wasn't able to drink it. Food was another thing. The look and smell of a sardines or a Lucky Me pancit canton felt like it was the most delicious food in the world. Bit I managed to stay away from it and Day 2 of fasting was again successful by drinking water and pineapple juice I bought from the other store a stone's throw away from our own store.

Day 3: Holy Wednesday was the start of the downfall. I went to the graduation of my inaanak, Wayne. It was so hot in the afternoon that I was almost tempted to take the halo-halo that my kumpare was offering me. After the graduation rites, I felt that I was going to have a fever. True enough, I had a fever in the evening and I couldn't sleep as well. Add to that fact is that I am hungry and I couldn't take a medicine because of that. But sine I was a man with a deep spiritual mission (or so I thought), I managed to get by with water and more pineapple juice.

Day 4: Miraculously, I got healed the next day, Maundy Thursday. How? Just keep reading. I really didn't know the juice fast that I was doing for a week was that hard. I meant I knew it would be hard but I didn't anticipate it to be this hard. Again, when hunger stroke, I just grab the Bible or read the Kerygma magazines that I borrowed from my friend. I also watched the 7th Heaven marathon in Studio 23. And when I couldn't take the hunger anymore, I slept.

Day 5: Good Friday came and I said to myself, just two days left and I'm done with my fasting. I immensed myself with more reading from the Bible and the Keryma magazine, had a little soul-searching and watched more 7th Heaven. In the evening however, when I couldn't take the hunger, I couldn't sleep anymore. I was feeling nauseated, my mouth was so dry, my stomach was grumbling, my muscles are aching, and I almost throwed up five times. Yes, not just once but five times. I wanted to vomit but nothing will come out because the only thing my stomach has inside was water and pineapple juice. Day 5 of my fasting was successful in spite of that.

Day 6: It was the last day of my fasting and I thought to myself, "Finally, my fasting would be over and I am triumphant!"

Triumphant, I am not. I went to NCO in ABS-CBN to get my Certificate Of Emplyment but since there were some wrong information in my COE, Cathy, one of the nice HR staff in NCO aske me to come back after five minutes to correct the information in my COE. I went to Mini-Stop to buy something to drink. I searched the freezer for a juice that is 100% natural fruit juice but no sugar. A pineapple juice was available but I didn't want to drink more pineapple juice because I might throw up for real this time and I'm not at home. A mineral water was also out of the question because I wanted a drink that would leave a good taste in my mouth.

To make a long story short, I drank a soda, a Diet 7-Up to be exact. I don't know what I was thinking. I was looking for a drink with no sugar. Diet 7-Up has no sugar but it has acids in the ingredients. I was really thirsty and instead of drinking a bitter wine like Jesus did, I drank a sweet wine in the form of Diet 7-Up and it eased my thirst. So much for my juice fast. I still managed to finish a "liquid fast"  (it was no longer juice fast because of the soda I drank in the morning).

Even if I managed to finish a liquid fast for six days, for me it was still a failure because it was not what I intended to do. What I promised the Lord was that I would do a juice fast. No liquid food and just 100% pure and natural fruit or vegetable juice and no soft drinks.

Black Saturday of March 22, 2008 was the blackest Black Saturday of my life. Why? Because that day shows the kind of character I have. I always give in or give up in the last minute. Just one more day, or make it just a few more hours of fasting, and I didn't last. I pitied myself so much. Somehow, the statement on the shirt of my brother that I wore one time rings true for myself. It said, "I tried and failed. Pity me!"

But was it really a terrible week? As in a terrible Holy Week? I dug deeper later in the evening of Black Saturday and I found out on Easter Sunday that it was not that terrible.

Find out why on my next blog entry.

Fasting

45. Fasting

You might be wondering why something like fasting be in my 2008 lists of reasons to be happy and thankful that I am living in this lifetime. Well, let me give you a rundown why. I was encouraged to fast by Bo Sanchez in one of his preaching in The Feast.  I am not doing a 40-day fast by the way because I can't since I was working in a call center on the first few days of Lent and it would not be healthy if I fast then work in the evening. I might have fainted or something if I did the 40-day fasting.

Here are the benefits of fasting (these are taken from Bo's booklet about 40 days of prayer and fasting):

1. Prayer and Fasting Brings You Closer to God.

When you fast, you’re telling God that He’s more important than food.

So instead of eating, you spend it in prayer, reading Scripture, writing your journal, before the Blessed Sacrament, reading Spiritual books…

It declares that you’re dead serious about pursuing Him because you’re crazy enough to say No to something as basic as food.

If you can say No to a very basic need, what else can you not do for the Lord?

You also gain discipline—something crucial for any kind of success in the world.

2. Prayer and Fasting Unite You with the Poor

Every time you fast, you  remind yourself that this is the daily experience of 12% of the world’s population. Not because they’re fasting. But because they’re poor.

740 million people will sleep tonight hungry.

And out of those 740 hungry people, 30,000 will die of starvation. 

Half of those 30,000 will be children.

Fasting shouldn’t just make us more spiritual.

Fasting shouldn’t just open me up for more blessings and miracles.

Fasting should also move us to love the poor in a more passionate way.

3. Prayer and Fasting Opens You to God’s Power

When you pray and fast, you’re inhaling a greater amount of God’s power into your life!

Fasting isn’t a bribe. “Lord, I’m fasting, so you better give me what I’m asking for!”  That’s not how it works.

When you fast, God doesn’t change. You do.

You become more expectant, more open, more sensitive, more attentive.

So when you fast, you can pray for something specific in your life.

·       wisdom for an important decision you need to make;

·       freedom from a particular bondage;

·       physical healing;

·       family restoration;

·       financial blessing;

·       any miracle that you need!

4. Prayer and Fasting Cleanse Your Body

One way of caring for it is by fasting.

By relieving the body from the hard work of digestion, it focuses its energies on getting rid of the toxins we’ve piled up in our system from all the wrong food we’ve eaten. All the junk, the chemicals, the stuff that shouldn’t be in our body in the first place. These toxins weaken our immune system and make us more susceptible to disease.

Your body, after three days of fasting, will also burn up and decompose diseased, damaged cells in your body. What a beautiful way to purge the bad!

If you fast, you’ll do some “house cleaning” for your own body, removing the toxins and diseased cells naturally—while blessing your soul at the same time.

(Now you have an idea why I feel healthier than ever before. ü)

5. Prayer and Fasting Empower Our Ministry

(As you all know, the church that I am regularly attending now every Sunday is The Feast with Bo Sanchez and this is what Bo Sanchez has to say about the fasting that we are taking)

In the Bible, people fasted before they started their ministry or before a big change in their ministry. Moses did it. Elijah did it. Daniel did it. Esther did it. And Jesus did it.

So fasting will release God’s power in our ministry.

Because we need God’s anointing for the many things we’re doing. To name a four prayer intentions:

1.    We’re growing our Central FEAST to three and four sessions

2.    We’re planting weekly Local FEASTs all over the world;

3.    We’re using more radio, television, and the Internet to share God’s love;

4.    We’re expanding KerygmaFamily.com;

5.    We’re aiming to raise more funds so that we can use 50% for evangelism and 50% for our ministries to the poor.

The five blessing above that you read is the reason why I am doing a fast this Lent (this is my first time by the way to fast). I did a juice fast for the past six Fridays since the start of Lent and I will be on my final stage this Holy Week where I will do again a juice fast from Holy Monday to Black Saturday. It will be really, really hard but I know I can do it. And when I do, I will post down the Seven Dreams I wrote down after taking this commitment to fast. Watch out for it. You will be in for a little shock.

I Am Healthy

44. I am healthy.

I just finished my pre-employment medical tests in Friendly Care clinic in Shaw Boulevard and as expected, my health is A-OK and I don't expect to be positive in the urine drug test. Except maybe for my eyes which no longer has 20/20 vision (understable enough if you've been working in front of the computer or TV for the last 5 to 7 years), a little allergic rhenitis (which I'm really not sure if I do have it), and being underweight for my height (which is also not a sign of being healthy since my body type is really the lean one), I feel healthy than ever before. I haven't been hospitalized for the last 20 or more years (and I don't intend to be hospitalized to for the next 20 (or even 30) years to come. I don't smoke. I do drink, however, once in a while (since it's also healthy). I can still play at least 3 games of street basketball. Most importantly, I feel better than ever before. I now know that really, "health is wealth."

I am healthy. Isn't that a good reason enough be happy and thankful that I am living in this lifetime?

Good...Better...Best?

I already signed the Job Offer given to me by eTelecare and I was happy that I was able to pass and get hired. I really didn't want to apply in call center again but due to financial constraints, I had to. I have an outlined career plans for myself in eTelecare for the next one or two years or so and hopefully eTelecare would be my last call center company that I will be working. I am also hoping that it would be a successful one.

I was really bent on looking and getting hired in the the most prestigious and high-end call center companies that I know like Accenture, Sykes, People Support, etc. I failed in the phone exam in Accenture, I applied online in People Support but they were not calling me, I have yet to apply in Sykes. When I saw in Jobstreet that eTelecare is in need of a Technical Support Representative, I applied online and the next day someone called me. I passed the initial phone interview and I was asked to visit their office in Libis the next day. The written exams were hard and I had to go through two interviews. The second one was hard since the interviewer asked in-depth questions about almost all the information in my resume. It was like the interviewer looked back in the past and reviewed the decisions I made in my life for the past twenty years personal or otherwise. I also had a tough time in the phone simulation and the IT Test. Although I was a Level 2 Technical Support Agent in NCO, I am not that familiar with computer hardware. However, since the company is in dire need of TSR and I was on the right place at the right time (just like in NCO), I got hired.

I felt that I was done with the call center chapter of my life and that is why I resigned in NCO but it didn't seem so. After I resigned, suddenly all the bills kept coming and the people we were in debt to began sprouting. We needed more money than ever before. I also felt that my communications skills have already improved but it didn't have solid proof that it has improved which showed in my work performance in NCO. When I say solid proof, I mean getting promoted or hired in higher positions. This would be my goal in eTelecare. I will definitely apply for a Team Leader or Team Manager position in one or two years if I am still there. Of course I need to perform well first for the next six months and be regularized otherwise I will be paying the bond which is forty-five thousand (45,000.00) pesos. Whew!

I can say that the first call center company I was hired, which was ACS, was good. The next one, NCO, was definitely better. Hopefully, eTelecare will be the best because it would probably be the last and I always "save the best for last."

My One and Only Mother

43. My One and Only Mother

Today is the 58th birthday of my mother and I just want to write a blog about her.

My mother is basically the light of our family as all mothers are but she is more than that. She is what holds this family together. If not for her intelligence, patience, religiousness, faithfulness to her family, kindness, this family that I have should have long been broken.

I hope all the mothers in the world are like her.

It's not a coincidence that she is number 43 in my 2008 reasons to be happy and thankful that I am living this lifetime. 43 as in "Love you."

I definitely love my mother.

Happy Birthday my dear mother and more birthdays to come!   

What To Do With 10,876 Pesos That's Not Yours (But Not Anyone Else's Also)?

This is a bit late but as I mentioned in my previous blog about the money that I "accidentally" took (http://yllor.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2008/02/a_test_of_hones.html), I will now put in accounting what I did with the money in this blog.

I thought I only got an extra ten thousand pesos but after my TM calculated it, he found out that the excess money I withdrew was Php10,875.24 to be exact. After thorough calculating, I was surprised and shocked that he is correct. I honestly thought I only got an extra 10k. Anyways, I was really bent on not spending the money but since I no longer have a job and my family is full of debts, I have no choice but to use it. I now only have Php 10,200.25 with me. Below is the accounting:

575.00 - went to my own personal expenses (printing resumes, going online looking for a job, transportation for applying last Monday, etc.)

100.00 - went to brother Jaro's baon

As of this writing that is how I spent the money and it will be deducted further because I will add a certain amount for Jaro's tuition and I have to pay out 150 pesos a day for our debt from a lending firm up to the end of the month. I would also need money so that I can apply. This accounting will be updated as soon as I have the time to write about it.

Actually I was really ready to spend it, I already have a partial breakdown on how I would spend it but that was before I resigned. For now I have no choice but to spend it because we don't have any money. What made me decide that I am ready to spend it without any guilt? Simple. I just asked two questions to myself? The two are:

1. What's the wisest thing to do?

This question was Bo Sanchez's question to us in his talk on one of the prayer meeting in The Feast. As per Bo Sanchez, this is one question that you would need to ask yourself when you are in dilemma and you don't know what to do in a particular situation. Right now, it's quite obvious that my family needs the money and the money came to me because we need it. And the wisest thing to do of course is to use it.

2. WWJD (What would Jesus do)?

I imagined myself doing something like going to the bank with the money and looking for the manager of the bank and saying, "I am surrendering ten thousand because this is not mine" but somehow it doesn't feel right and it is not the same as giving back ten thousand to a person who really owns the money.

I asked myself, "If this happened to Jesus, would He return the money to the bank?" I honestly think He would not. He would probably distribute it to the poor or something. The question is would I also do that. Well I am not Jesus and as I mentioned in my previous blog, I am not a saint. Although I am trying to be like Him each day. With that last statement, there is a possibility that I would also do the same thing which is to give the 10,000 peso plus to the poor or to the church.

I don't want to invoke Jesus here but I am in dilemma and if on Judgement Day God told me that it is not what Jesus will do, I would just simply say that at that time, I felt that it was what Jesus would do. And if because of that I will not be entering the gates of heaven then so be it (talagang umabot sa ganon eh noh?). I will be accountable for it.

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Right now I'm still looking for work and as soon as I get a job, I would again raise 10,876.25 pesos. I will pay whatever money I spent from the amount and spend the money like this:

10% to my church (The Feast)

10% to a charity

10% to the orphnage that we are helping

10% to pay our family debts (although this is not enough)

10% goes to my savings (I am planning to open a savings account of my own since the one I had before is already closed)

The remaining 50% I still don't have any idea on how to spend it. Maybe you, readers, could give me some input.

In the meantime, I need to look for a job first or I will be spending the whole amount without earning anything.

Manindigan Para Sa Katotohanan, Katarungan, at Pagbabago

Evil triumphs when people do nothing.

For the very first time, I joined a rally. Yes, I went to Ayala Avenue in Makati last Friday to join the Interfaith Rally asking for the resignation of our "president" Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

I was still too young when EDSA People Power I happened and I don't have any recollection of it or what happened then. When EDSA Dos happened, I was just watching it on the TV at work. Even just by watching, I felt the emotions of the people and I felt the same way they do. They wanted to hear the truth and they wanted something be done about it. I wanted to be there but I couldn't because I was working.

When I heard the news that a rally was to be held in Ayala Avenue on February 29, I said to myself that I have to be there. I wanted to join these kind of rallies but the circumstances however would not allow me. This time, my schedule fell into place. I just resigned from work and I was to visit my friend Melissa in Makati Medical Center which is just a stone's throw away from the place.

When I arrived in Ayala, I was given some pamphlets which I really didn't read because I couldn't make what exactly the pamphlet was saying. I also wanted to go near the stage and experience first-hand what exactly happens in these kinds of rallies. So after some hustling and bustling I was able to go near the stage. Just in time when Rodolfo "Jun" Lozada appeared on stage and delivered his speech that he read. He specifically pointed out that he's asking for change in the government. It's not enough that GMA resigns or step down because if she did, after that, the people will be gone again and corruption would still remain. Very intelligent words from a "probinsyanong Intsik."

Unlike the EDSA Dos that I just watched on TV, somehow I flet the emotions from the people and from me is not there. Sure there were rock bands like The Wuds, The Jerks, etc. singing political songs (I loved their performances by the way). The speaker-guests were fiery with their speeches. The people were angry and they want to hear the truth like I do but I felt something was lacking. Maybe the people is tired of "People Power" already. Maybe I am too. Maybe we have already given up because we know GMA won't step down. I don't know why.

What I know, however, is that I would remain true to theme of the rally. Today, tomorrow, and the days to come. I will stand up for truth, for justice, and change (for the better). I have faith in God that the truth will come out, justice will be served, and change is near.